


Stand Your Ground

by CoffeeAndValentines



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut, Lesbian Sex, Light Bondage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-09 17:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11109468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndValentines/pseuds/CoffeeAndValentines
Summary: For unknown reasons, Annie finds herself awake and exposed in an underground cavern. The last person she wanted to see was Mikasa. As Annie wakes up so do past feelings. Mikasa's rage and betrayal are met with a new kind of feeling. A MikasaxAnnie story .





	1. Ice

Annie was awake, and she didn't know why. Annie jolted, fear pushing her body into the air, only to be held back by cold metal shackles. Her heart raced, and her head snapped around an empty room. The smell of dirt and humid earth filled her senses.

_Why? Why am I awake and what is going to happen to me?_

Tears rolled down Annie's cheeks, her heart snapping as she thought about the impending doom. All she could imagine was that metal door flying open, and an assortment of scalpels gripped tight in that wickedly neurotic scientist's fist.

_They're going to tear me apart, rip me open like some fifth grade science class experiment. They probably won't have the decency to kill me first. They'll torture me to get me talk. I'm trapped here, in an underground hell forever._

Annie tried to look at her wrists, her sore neck cracking. The pain hit her like a brick wall and despite her resistance to pain, a small whimper escaped her. The skin on her wrists had been rubbed raw and bled in the driest areas, her ankles did the same, and her arms dangled limply, exhausted from being strung up for so long.

_I deserve this pain._

Annie allowed her face to drop to the floor, flashing images of the sins her own hands had committed flooded her toxic memories.

She was comforted by the thought of being restrained, terrified, yet somehow calmed. It was over. She wasn't going to hurt anyone else anymore.

The door slowly creaked, and despite the nightmares that haunted Annie, she fell back into the face she learned how to wear so well.

_Show no pain, no fear, nothing. Show nothing. Stand your ground and take every blow. Don't let them know they've affected you. Don't let them know they hurt you._

Annie stared blankly at the black boots that walked in, and like every dream she'd had in her armored sleep, Hanji entered - scalpel at hand and an evil grin reaching ear to ear.

"Look who's up," Hanji clicked her tongue and strutted towards the retrained girl, " had enough rest there, sleeping beauty?"

Annie was unresponsive, besides the horrifying thundering of her heart rate increasing with every step the scout took towards her. It wasn't until less than a foot separated herself and her worst nightmare that impulsively she took a step back.

Hanji's eyes flickered to the ground, and back up to the chains.

"Ah, right - thanks for that little reminder sweetheart," Hanji turned towards the door, "Hey! String her back up - would ya?"

The sound of gears echoed in the cave.

"Can't have you moving around while I work on you now can I?" Hanji's glasses flickered with mischief.

Slowly the chains pulled on Annie's wrists and ankles until she was a good foot off the ground and unable to move her ankles. The pain on her sore skin was almost unbearable, and blood rolled down Annie's arms and feet.

She didn't even flinch.

"lets get started now shall we? Blood samples, skin samples, muscle samples, bone sample- oh my isn't this truly exciting?!" Hanji squirmed in place, started humming a lullaby and readied her scalpel on Annie's bicep, "This will only be probably the worst pain any human can ever experience, don't worry though, your fingers will grow back in minutes"

The blade touched Annie's skin with a sharpness never know to her, and she silently dropped her head, closed her eyes and refused to let the world see her pain.

* * *

 

"Let her down! I'm finished now."

Annie fell to her knees, her body trembling rabidly. Blood pooled around her legs, hot and reeking of iron.

The door slammed shut - and Hanji's humming finally disappeared.

Until that moment, Annie had held her own, stood her ground. The scientist hadn't even seen her flinch, she'd never cried, she'd never screamed - but at that moment when Annie know she was alone, when she knew no one could hear her - she released the most horrifying, blood - curdling scream she'd ever heard cross her own lips. She gripped her finger-less hand and rocked back on forth on the ground, she stared at the skin and muscle that had been surgically removed from the bone of her bicep, blood oozing and squirting onto the floor. Hot, salty tears rolled uncontrollably down the officer's face. Steam swirled around the room in as if to smother Annie in her prison. The pain and panic sent Annie drifting into yet another pitch black, nightmare induced sleep.

* * *

Annie awoke to a freshly cleaned floor, a new pair of clothes and -

_Wait for it_

Annie looked down at ten fingers.

_Good._

Annie forced herself back to her knees - the empty cold of her prison staring back at her. She looked out the door and through the windowed slot, a pair of glasses covered eye peered back. Annie stared back with completely empty eyes.

_Fuck this_

Annie turned around, and stared at the dirt instead.

* * *

Mikasa stared through the window panel into the cell of the monster known as Annie Leonhart.  Hatred seared through Mikasa's veins, rage pumped her heart too fast, vengeance made her palm sweaty. 

"She's been that way for hours, hasn't moved an inch, hasn't said a word. Didn't even so much as flinch when I took my samples." Hanji explained as Mikasa gazed at Annie's back. The girl's short blonde hair was down around her chin, and the plain white tank and training pants clung to her body, as if Annie had already shrunk in size.

"I'd like to be alone with her." Mikasa hissed through clenched teeth.

"I really don't think that's the best idea-"

"I can handle myself! I'm not afraid of her!" Mikasa yelled, surprising both herself and the scout.

"Actually, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say that I'd rather have a living test subject than a dead one."

Mikasa sighed, "You don't have to worry about that, I promised Eren I wouldn't interfere with your research."

Hanji stared at her, "Do you want us to string her up first?"

"No," Mikasa whispered.

Hanji nodded and motioned for the guard to leave, "I don't care if you hurt her I just need her alive." Hanji's footsteps disappeared into the endless tunnel.

Mikasa sighed, staring through the door for moments afterwards.

_What can I even say to her?.... Why?...._

Mikasa pulled on the padlock and let the door fall open itself.

The tall blonde never moved. It was hard to tell if she was even breathing.

"Annie?" Mikasa let her voice echo in the dungeon.

Still, Annie wouldn't move. It wasn't fair, Mikasa deserved an explanation, she deserved to be furious, and Annie wouldn't even look at her.

Mikasa let the door close behind her and her steps thundered around the two girls.

"Annie."

_....._

 Still, nothing. Mikasa looked down at the girl's back. 

"DAMMIT ANNIE WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?" Mikasa let herself yell, her voice bouncing off the cavern's walls and resonating Mikasa's boiling rage, "After everything you've done, everything you've put me through I deserve some sort of explanation! The least you could do is FUCKING LOOK AT ME ANNIE!" 

Tears ran down Mikasa's cheeks, and slowly Annie stood, turning to the shorter girl, her face still blank and empty, slowly Annie lifted her ice white eyes to meet Mikasa's endless black. Mikasa still wasn't satisfied, she needed more. Without thought, Mikasa's hand flew to Annie's throat, and with no effort Mikasa forced Annie back onto her knees, her hand clenched tight around the older girl's throat. Annie made no effort to stop her, and only the slightest flicker of surprise widened her eyes. 

 _She's weak, she's can't even put up a fight_  

 "You tried to take him away! You tried to take away Eren! You killed people Annie - Do you even care?!" Mikasa yelled in the girl's face, softening her grip as to not completely suffocate Annie. 

Annie stared back at her, and Mikasa knew she didn't care.

* * *

Annie cared, and like no one knew she wanted to tell Mikasa she cared, she wanted to make everything that Mikasa felt go away, she wanted Mikasa to know how much this meant to her, she wanted to go back and start over and maybe, just maybe live a different life, a better life, one where Annie wasn't a monster. 

_Why am  I still trying to hide? Everyone knows that I am a monster - can't I just say how I feel now? Right here, with Mikasa?_

"Mi... Mika... Mikasa..." Annie had to force words out of her mouth, she had to try and take off the mask that had protected her for so long. That part was a little harder, trying to be free of the mask. She wasn't even sure she remembered how to let emotion onto her face, but she could at least try to tell Mikasa how she felt, Mikasa deserved at least that. Annie watched the black haired girl kneel in front of her, calmly listening.

"Mikasa... I... I'm..." Annie had to stop and catch her breath - what was she doing? Was this supposed to be easy? "I... can't... I don't know how..."

"Annie." Mikasa sounded angry, or hurt. Maybe both, Annie wouldn't blame her, and she knew it was her fault. She forced herself to look Mikasa in the eyes, and she remembered how easy it could be.

She remembered how easily Mikasa could see through her, how easily Mikasa could crack her open.

"Mikasa I'm sorry. You should go. Forget about me, don't waste your breath. I'm a monster." Annie stared at the ground and watched her own tears fall on the dirt. "You don't deserve this."

* * *

Mikasa stared at Annie, watched her reveal something hidden, like she had many times before. It was a familiar feeling, seeing Annie reveal a small part of herself to Mikasa. 

Mikasa had gotten what she came here for, so why was she still here, watching Annie sob?

Was this really what Mikasa had came here for?

_Why do I feel like I want something else? Why do I feel like I need more?_

Mikasa didn't have to answer that, somehow Annie did for her. 

"Mikasa. I never wanted to hurt you, the hardest part of this was knowing that I was hurting you. I... I still love you," Annie's body curled into itself - she was trying to hide her shame, "I hurt you, and I hate myself for it!"

Mikasa stared, her heart pounding, tears pulling at her eyes.

_That's what I needed to hear._

Mikasa touched Annie's cheeks, slowly lifting the girl's face. She stared into the icy whites of the eyes she'd loved many times before, she touched her own forehead to Annie's. The heat of Annie's tears and sobbing throbbed against her skin. 

For reasons Mikasa didn't know, she pressed her lips against Annie's.

_I still love you Annie. And I hate myself for it._

* * *

 


	2. Fire

Mikasa touched Annie's cheeks, slowly lifting the girl's face. She stared into the icy whites of the eyes she'd loved many times before, she touched her own forehead to Annie's. The heat of Annie's tears and sobbing throbbed against her skin.

For reasons Mikasa didn't know, she pressed her lips against Annie's.

_I still love you Annie. And I hate myself for it._

* * *

Annie savored what she knew was very well the last kiss she'd ever get from the last girl she'd ever love. Annie savored the memories, savored the smell of Mikasa's hair, the taste of the lips, the texture of the love they shared. 

* * *

**_FLASHBACK: THE CADETS_ **

Annie stared at the black sky, the steam of her breath the only warmth. 

_One day down, only a handful left. No big deal._

_I can do this, I can hold the act._

 

Annie sat on the deck of her bunk house, staring into the endless nothingness of space above. She'd always found comfort in the night sky, jealous of it's utter emptiness, it's endless space of absolute nothingness. It was everything Annie wanted to be. 

Empty.

Alone.

Nothing.

"What are you doing out here?"

Despite being startled by the voice, Annie resisted an impulsive jump, and calmly turned her head and found Mikasa standing in front of the door, Annie must have been too lost in her thoughts to hear the door open.

_Too close, I can't be that reckless._

"What's it to you?" Annie turned away from the girl, gazing back at her only companion hidden in the sky.

"You're right it's none of my business." Mikasa responded quietly, yet stood her ground. A few moments of silence followed. 

"Then why are you still here?" Annie looked back at the pale girl, her long black hair waving ever so slightly in the frost ridden breeze, her eyes hollow and unfeeling.

_She does it well, keeps up her walls, never shows the world pain, never flinches._

"Because you're in my spot." Mikasa replied flatly, looking down at Annie. 

Annie stood, and walked back to the door, only to be met by Mikasa's hand on her arm.

"That doesn't mean you have to leave."

Annie looked at the hand on her arm, and ripped herself out of Mikasa's grip, silently retreating into the bunkhouse where she and her thoughts could be alone again in the darkness of a sleepless night.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK: DAYS LATER- EARLY MORNING  
** _

Mikasa rolled off her bunk, adjusting her scarf gently. Everyone seemed to be sleeping, except for one. 

Mikasa looked up at Annie's bunk, empty as always.

_Where has she been going at night? How does she never sleep?_

As usual, Mikasa checked the front deck, the back porch, and nothing. It was like Annie disappeared every twilight and magically re-appeared every morning. Mikasa walked the grounds; dawn had still not broken and the comfort of night eloped her. 

Normally Mikasa wouldn't search too much, it wasn't really any of her business anyways. Today, however, the trees of the nearby forest called to her, and Mikasa climbed the walls of the training facility, venturing into the canopy of the forest. The forest itself was still asleep, lacking the usual scurry and hum of wildlife. But Mikasa liked it that way, she found comfort in the silence,

A flash of blonde caught her eye, and Mikasa stared at the midst of a great oak tree, where she saw a surprising sight. 

Annie sat on a branch, staring at the sky. The surprising part however was the way her face twisted in a sort of sorrow.

_That's new. Annie with emotion?_

Mikasa stared. The girl looked... frightened? Or maybe broken was a better wording. Mikasa knew very little about emotion as it was, analyzing others was still a little new to her.

With an expert quietness, Mikasa took hold of the bottom branch and started climbing.

* * *

Annie felt the weight shift in the oak tree, and instinct turned her face blank. She stared down at Mikasa, making her way up the tree. 

_How much did she see? Does she know?_

Annie glared at the branch Mikasa stood on. Too sturdy to break. Maybe Annie could swing around her own branch and knock the girl off. 

_No, the drop isn't high enough she'll surely survive. What is this girl's problem with me?_

Mikasa pulled herself up, and sat only maybe a foot away from Annie, staring at the same star Annie affixed herself with every night. 

"You look up at night, because you're jealous of it aren't you?" Mikasa's voice floated between the two eerily.

Annie looked back up, careful to keep her hardened face blank.

_She... she gets it. How did she know that? I... don't understand._

Annie had never imagined someone could feel the same way about something so silly. Annie's wonder with the sky was hers and hers alone, something sacred. Alone and covered in darkness was the only place Annie ever felt at home.

"It's almost... nostalgic, isn't it?" Mikasa looked over at Annie's lack of expression.

Annie's heart thundered in her chest, how was this girl so similar to herself? She kept her composure, but internally she screamed at the sky, begging for answers.

_She isn't like everyone else. She's ... different. She's like me, but... a better version of me. A..._

Annie stole a glance at the mysterious girl. The moonlight made her skin glow angelically, the pure darkness of her hair and eyes unwavering and strong. 

_A... beautiful... mystery._

She'd forgotten to look away.

Mikasa's eyes met hers. Endless orbs of dark energy, completely endless. Annie could feel their void pulling her in. Her palms started to sweat and her breath slowed.

"It's because you're different, isn't it?" Mikasa whispered, the melody of darkness easing through the cold, as if to comfort Annie.

"Yes." Annie forgot to stop herself. Her heart plummeted, she clenched her jaw, looked away too fast. 

_Annie what the hell are you doing?_

"Its okay." 

Annie looked down to find a tiny white hand placed gently on top of hers.

"Me too." Mikasa smiled and laced her fingers between Annie's.

Annie looked up at Mikasa -

_Careful Annie don't let her see!_

 

Annie tore her hand away from Mikasa's.

"You should go," Annie murmured blankly, "You don't know what you're talking about." 

" I guess I don't" Mikasa sighed into the night.

Annie's heart stopped.

She didn't want Mikasa to go, she didn't want to loose the magic that Mikasa carried with her. She didn't want to loose the strange,  foreign feeling the cadet gave her.

But she had to let Mikasa go. It wasn't her choice. If Mikasa saw what she truly was she'd kill her, or worse, Annie would do something horrible.

"Annie. It's okay you know, your secrets are yours to keep." Mikasa tucked her hair behind her ears, "But you don't have to face them alone."

_No this demon is mine, and no one else should be hurt by it._

But for some reason Annie couldn't help but believe that Mikasa was telling the truth, that she wouldn't prod, that she wouldn't ask anything more of Annie. 

"So you won't tell anyone about my late night tree climbing expeditions?"

Mikasa smiles sweetly, "Of course not."

The duo looked up at the sky.

"It is a nice spot," Mikasa put her hands in her lap, "It's nice to know you're not alone though. This world is full of pain and... then there's people like us. The ones that can't let the world know that it has hurt us."

Annie stared as Mikasa spoke Annie's thoughts aloud, and couldn't help but feel like she wanted...

_What do you want? What do you want Annie- this isn't about what you want it's about what you need! To keep your secret... to be alone._

Annie couldn't stop herself, a strange craving and hunger overcame her, and she reached for Mikasa's hand.

Their fingers locked, fitting perfectly within the other's, like two puzzle pieces made for one another.

The two stared at their hands together. The softness of Mikasa's hands against the rough of her own, that was the feeling of perfection.

They stayed like that until the sun rose. Two broken people staring at the emptiness of space.

* * *

**_PRESENT_ **

Mikasa broke the kiss, but Annie wasn't ready, she wanted more, she couldn't help but hunger for more. She reached for Mikasa's cheek but her restraints held her hands mere inches away. 

"Oh Mikasa," Annie let her hand drop, " I can't fix this. I can't take it back. I... I... " Annie let her head fall, and readied herself for Mikasa's rage.

Instead she was met by Mikasa inching closer, to place Annie's hand on her cheek where she had reached for. Annie ran her fingers across Mikasa's skin, a texture of perfection she would never forget. Annie stared into the void of Mikasa's eyes, ran her fingers through her hair, soaked up what was left of a person she had hurt.

 

 


	3. Earth

"Oh Mikasa," Annie let her hand drop, " I can't fix this. I can't take it back. I... I... " Annie let her head fall, and readied herself for Mikasa's rage.

Instead she was met by Mikasa inching closer, to place Annie's hand on her cheek where she had reached for. Annie ran her fingers across Mikasa's skin, a texture of perfection she would never forget. Annie stared into the void of Mikasa's eyes, ran her fingers through her hair, soaked up what was left of a person she had hurt.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK: THE CADETS** _

Mikasa climbed the walls of the training camp the next night, and the next, and the next, but Annie was nowhere near the great oak they'd sat on that night.

_I guess I scared her away. Maybe she just needed time.  I hope she's there tonight._

Mikasa's heart stopped at the thought. She craved the feeling that Annie had given her that night, that feeling of... belonging.

Mikasa crept through the sleeping forest and came again to the oak tree, but after a clear inspection of the branches she found no sign of the blonde. Mikasa's heart fell, and she leaned her back against the tree in dismay, closing her eyes. A slight shuffle in the grass made her jump and she opened her eyes to a pair of ice white orbs staring at her.

Annie's arms barred her from leaving her post, her hands mere inches away from Mikasa's head, trapping her against the great oak. Annie's face was the usual expressionless blank slate. Only a foot separated their faces, the steam from Annie's breath warmed the space between them.

Mikasa widened her eyes in surprise, but internally smiled at the sight of the tall blonde figure looming over her, like a hunter that had just caught a meek prey.

"What is it, exactly, that you want from me?" Annie said, her eyes never faltering, and her face never changing. 

"I don't know what you mean? I don't want anything from you I just... I remember that night on the deck you seemed... I don't know. I saw a bit of myself in you. That blankness, the emptiness... the loneliness, and I just wanted to get a little closer and see for myself if I was right." Mikasa pushed herself farther into the tree, uncertain of Annie's intentions, yet intrigued just by the woman's presence.

"And what did you find?"

"Well, I wasn't disappointed," Mikasa dared to inch even closer, a sudden craving washing over her, Annie's face mere inches from her own.

Mikasa studied the girl's prominent features. Strong, large wintery white eyes. Pale, opal skin that reflected the blue hues of the moonlight. Small yet full lips with only the slightest pink hue and a perfect cupid's bow. A sharp chin, and a sharper nose. Everything about Annie was sharp, strong and menacing looking, but Mikasa saw something else hidden in the girl's curved brows and haunted eyes. She saw something soft, gentle, something worth loving. 

Annie looked down for a moment, as if she was unsure what to say.

"Not disappointed? Are you sure?"

Mikasa's lungs burned with nerves. She wanted to tell Annie how suddenly she felt the attraction. She wanted Annie to know how ferociously her heart throbbed when Annie walked by.

_Fuck words._

Mikasa slipped her hands up Annie's neck and slowly, cautiously pressed her lips against Annie's.

Annie's lips were slightly chapped, yet soft. She tasted of mint.

Mikasa pulled away, her eyes wide, hungering for Annie's approval, hungering for Annie's next move.

* * *

 Annie's heart stopped beating.

_Annie fucking breathe._

She took a long, choppy breath. Annie's entire body turned warm and tingled with anticipation. Her mind stopped working altogether.

_Wow... Oh shit Annie pull it together- NO!!  
_

_too late._

Annie had forgotten to hold onto the mask and she felt her face contort in pleasant surprise. With all of her might she tried to tear it off - but back the mask which belonged to her, but for all she was worth she couldn't stitch it all back on, a weak attempt and a poor cover up. When she looked into Mikasa's eyes and was greeted by the pleasant, homey, welcoming darkness she found herself without the strength to fake it.

And she found herself without the strength to resist.

Annie leaned in, her lips again in a wonderful dance with Mikasa's. She felt Mikasa's hands wrap around her neck, she felt the girl press her body into hers, and they became a single unit, a unified energy.

Annie felt Mikasa's tongue glide across her teeth.

_Annie don't let her see._

Annie's hands fell to Mikasa's hips, she traced Mikasa's belt with her thumbs.

_Stop! Stop! What are you doing?_

Annie nipped at Mikasa's lips, and her toes curled eagerly.

_She's going to see, don't let her see, stop stop stop! No! You can't hide! She will see!_

Mikasa wrapped a single leg around Annie's waist, and Annie gripped to girl's thigh roughly. Mikasa's head titled and a breathy, pleasured sigh floated to Annie's ears. Annie traced a single finger down Mikasa's jaw, seductively bringing her in for more. Annie wrapped her arms around Mikasa's thighs,lifting her off the ground and pulling her away from the tree and gently down onto the tall grassy clearing below. Annie straddled Mikasa, looking down upon dark eyes decorated seamlessly by flawless porcelain skin. Curved, waiting brows flowed into endless, silk locks of pure, true black. Soft, delicate features stared up at Annie, waiting, pleading, begging for her affection. An emaciated soul that hungered for Annie and Annie alone.

_Shut up,_

_I need this._

Mikasa reached for Annie's face, running her index and middle fingers down the girl's face, tracing the bridge of her nose, trailing her lips and caressing her chin. Annie's skin turned hot where Mikasa touched.

"You're beautiful." Annie whispered through trembling, wet lips that seared with soreness yet ached with craving and nerves.

Mikasa smiled.

A beautiful, gleaming white, angelic smile that seemed to creep out of nowhere and seep into an undeserving world.

_I NEED her._

Annie dove in for more, showering Mikasa in her kisses and affection, she moved to the girl's nape, sucking and nipping slightly rougher, her hands ran up Mikasa's waist, brushing over her breasts and hooking around the girl's jacket collar which she quickly removed, Mikasa's shirt following suit. Annie left a trail of kisses and nips across the girl's collar and down her sternum until she reached Mikasa's waistline. Mikasa's skin reflected the blue hues of the moonlight, each muscle and curve setting perfectly. Annie played with Mikasa's belt, pulling and teasing along the girl's waistline.

Mikasa groaned lightly and bucked her hips against Annie, impatient and eager.

Annie slowly, tediously pulled Mikasa's training pants off, letting her fingernails lightly graze the girl's skin as she freed her bare legs. Mikasa took this opportunity to prop herself on her elbows and tug at Annie's shirt, tracing the bottom of Annie's jacket with her thumbs.  Annie pulled the clothes off herself, and Mikasa ran curious fingertips over Annie's pastel skin.

* * *

Annie gently pressed Mikasa back down onto the grass, the taller woman traced her fingers back up Mikasa's legs, causing a pleasurable shiver to shoot up Mikasa's spine, she felt herself whimper lightly. Annie looped her fingers around the waistline of Mikasa's panties, simultaneously biting Mikasa's bra strap, her teeth gliding against Mikasa's chest. 

Mikasa felt her toes curl and her legs spasm.

Mikasa ran her nails up Annie's skinny rib cage and dug her nails into the girls shoulders. She slammed her eyes shut, her body curling and coiling, trapped under Annie's touch. Annie's touch that she couldn't get enough of. She needed her, she needed Annie to just touch her everywhere all at once, Mikasa wanted nothing but Annie, all of Annie. Now.

But when Mikasa looked up into Annie's eyes there was something still missing. Something still hidden, and Mikasa wanted it. She wanted to peel away the layers of Annie until she saw what she needed to see, the real Annie. Mikasa's nails dragged across Annie's shoulders, begging for more, tearing away at her.

_Just give it to me, give it all, let me in, let me see._

Annie groaned as Mikasa dug into her skin, a slight twitch in her face and muffled sound of satisfaction the only evidence to the marks that would be left on her back. Annie played with Mikasa's straps until she had the smaller girl squirming under her. Mikasa's skin crawled, she needed more, and she couldn't wait. 

"Annie." Mikasa mumbled with slight irritation, only to be returned by continued mischief. Annie bit down on Mikasa's collar again, "Annie, please."

With unmatched anticipation, Annie glided Mikasa's bra off her chest, her hand tracing it's way lower, her fingers lightly touching Mikasa's slit through her underclothes, again leaving Mikasa thrashing underneath her touch.

Annie latched onto Mikasa's breast, her teeth scraping Mikasa's areola in painful gentleness, Mikasa's breath escaped her and her heart raced.

Annie pulled Mikasa's panties down, as if she was growing impatient herself. Her tongue at work on Mikasa's breasts, Annie slid her fingers between Annie's lower lips, slipping over Mikasa's clit. Mikasa's whole body jumped in sudden stimulation, a tightness growing in her chest and lungs. Annie looked up from her downward post and found the same weak spot again, waves of pure satisfaction crashing over Mikasa's body, Annie made a circular pace on Mikasa's clit, the girl's body tensing and easing with the pace of Annie's index finger. Mikasa's head spun, and Annie dragged her tongue away from Mikasa's breast in a straight line toward the girl's clit, Annie's tongue taking the position her finger had held before, repeating it's delicate rhythm.

Mikasa's hands stretched towards Annie's face, landing in her hair and tugging at it eagerly, Annie paused to let out an exasperated moan, her breath touching Mikasa's wetness and sending another tingle through her bones. The band fell from Annie's hair, and Mikasa balled it's length up in her fist to hold it back, her nails running across the the tender areas behind Annie's ears.

 Annie's tongue set back to work, her index finger circled Mikasa's entrance, teasing and playing, and just as suddenly Annie inserted her finger into Mikasa. Mikasa's back arched off the ground her her hips ground into Annie. The blonde inserted another, Mikasa's entire body curling and flexing to the touch. Annie pumped her fingers, slowly and carefully, her pace matching her tongue's and slowly lulling Mikasa into her climax, Mikasa's fingers clutching Annie's hair for life as her entire body halted and exploded, twitching and seizing her in a shock wave, a moan caught in her throat that couldn't escape as her orgasm rolled over her.

Mikasa limply fell, lightheaded and exhausted, she fought for her breath as Annie crawled back up to her face, panting into her neck. 

"Not bad Mikasa," Annie breathed into Mikasa's neck, her body pressing against Mikasa's, burning her sore skin. With her breath, Mikasa regained her hunger, found her goal again, her hands crawling back up Annie's back, and suddenly pushing the girl upwards, Annie straddling Mikasa's lap. The black haired girl ripped the girl's pants from her body, tearing her bra off in the same hungry, crazed speed.

"My turn." Mikasa growled Into Annie's ear.

_I'm going to see you, I'm going to tear you apart until I see you, until I know it's gone. I'll know the mask has fallen, I'll see you, and you'll be mine._

* * *

 

Annie complied eagerly with Mikasa's sudden dominance, the girl's hands returning to Annie's hair, pulling on Annie's soft spot and causing her head to go numb. Mikasa cupped Annie's breast with one hand, kneading and twisting Annie into complete euphoria. Annie's back perked with a shiver, her hands wrapping around Mikasa's neck and limply settling there.

Her heart thundered in her chest. Her thoughts disappeared, her mind swirling in Mikasa's grasp, Mikasa's hand fleeing to Annie's vagina, toying with the soft skin in the crook of her thigh, her body heat searing against Annie's.

Annie's body received a sudden thrill and Annie bowed her head, knowing her face would soon contort, no longer in control of the mask. She had almost concealed herself when Mikasa's free hand fled Annie's hair and clutched Annie's jaw, pulling her face upwards, where she met Mikasa's eyes. In that same sudden moment Mikasa's fingers traced Annie's clit in rough precision. Annie managed to keep her face still, instead a sharp gasp slid through her teeth, but Mikasa didn't seem satisfied, she pressed her lips to Annie's as she continued to rub Annie's clitoris, biting down on Annie's lower lip and pulling away painfully slow. 

Mikasa's hand turned into an upward curl, and she inserted her middle and ring fingers into Annie's warmth, with each thrust her palm clapped against Annie's clit, the sudden friction and pleasure taking Annie off guard. Annie ground her hips into Mikasa's hand, impatient and addicted.

_Don't let her see._

But Annie wasn't strong enough, and she didn't want to be.

She felt herself loose control, attempting to turn her face, but Mikasa held it steady, staring as Annie let go of the mask.

* * *

_Yes. Let it go. Let me in.  
_

Mikasa stared eagerly as Annie's face revealed itself to her.

The girl's eyes suddenly flooded with a light, something beautiful and untouchable, a mixture of passion and submission to Mikasa. The girl's lips quivered in a euphoric sigh, her lips parting ever so slightly, her teeth barely touching her bottom lip in a gasp for air that was never received, the girl's brows twisted into pleasured tension.

Mikasa felt Annie's walls clench her fingers tight and stared into the eyes of someone who was beautifully broken as they fell apart in a rapturous climax. Annie's body calmed in the aftershock of her orgasm, and leaned into Mikasa with exhaustion, her body still trembling with satisfaction.

Mikasa let her hand fall from Annie's face, but the girl did not look away as Mikasa expected she would.

* * *

Annie stared into the void of Mikasa's eyes, her true colors on display, her monotone mask being abandoned. Even after Mikasa's hand freed her, she resisted the urge to turn away.

_No. She needs to know. She has to see. I have to let her see how much it means to me, I have to let her see how I feel._

Annie's eyes softened, her body clung to Mikasa's for dear life. She looked up at the girl, and with all of her bravery she let her face tell Mikasa what her mouth couldn't.

_I love you._

 

* * *

  ** _PRESENT_**

" I did it Mikasa, I hurt you," Annie met Mikasa's gaze, " I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have stayed, I was selfish and now I've... I've hurt the only person I ever cared about."

Annie's heart snapped. She had completely, and utterly broken Mikasa and now she saw the monster inside.

"Don't you dare." Mikasa whispered.

"... What?" Annie stared into her lover's eyes, completely confused.

"Don't you fucking dare!" Mikasa yelled, and Annie jumped in shock, "Don't you dare take it back! Don't you dare say you would have rather not loved me! Don't take that away..."

"I ... I'm a monster Mikasa. You see that now, you see what I am and you still want me to love you?"

"Yes," Mikasa held Annie's checks in her hands, traced her fingers down the woman's neck... let them fall to her shoulders, "I want you to say that you love me. I want you to love me forever. I want to love you forever. I want you to say that you loved me, that what we had was real."

"It was!" Tears again poured down Annie's cheeks. " It was real, all of it, only time I ever felt real was with you, the only time I thought that I was really human."

_It was the only time I felt I was capable of being anything but a monster._

"I love you Mikasa, I really love you, I want to go back, I want to be with you but I can't, I can't change what I am and I can't stop hurting you."

Mikasa buried her face in the nape of Annie's neck, she could feel Mikasa's tears wet her skin, she could feel the sobs that raked over Mikasa's body.

* * *

 

 


	4. Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic depictions of violence.

_**PRESENT** _

"Yes," Mikasa held Annie's checks in her hands, traced her fingers down the woman's neck... let them fall to her shoulders, "I want you to say that you love me. I want you to love me forever. I want to love you forever. I want you to say that you loved me, that what we had was real."

"It was!" Tears again poured down Annie's cheeks. " It was real, all of it, only time I ever felt real was with you, the only time I thought that I was really human."

_It was the only time I felt I was capable of being anything but a monster._

"I love you Mikasa, I really love you, I want to go back, I want to be with you but I can't, I can't change what I am and I can't stop hurting you."

Mikasa buried her face in the nape of Annie's neck, she could feel Mikasa's tears wet her skin, she could feel the sobs that raked over Mikasa's body.

* * *

Mikasa's lungs burned when her sobs ceased. She let her head rest on Annie's nape with exhaustion, her hands clutching the girl around the waist. She didn't want to let go, not yet. She didn't ever want to let go.

A sudden echo from the exterior tunnel made it's way towards Annie's cell, the thumping of footsteps growing slowly closer.

Mikasa had to let go.

"I'll come back tomorrow morning. I promise I will." Mikasa wiped the tears off Annie's face, watching the girl settle back into her mask. Annie's eyes grew dark again, her brows straightened, her face stilled once again.

_She does it so easily. She lies so easily._

it was what drew Mikasa to her in the first place. 

"Mikasa-"

Mikasa clapped her hands over Annie's mouth.

"Hush. I am coming back tomorrow. Don't tell me not to. I am." Mikasa waited until Annie bowed her head in acceptance before releasing her mouth from her palm. Mikasa closed her eyes, landing a quick kiss on the officer's forehead, taking the moments afterwards to settle herself, feeling her face turn into an angry scowl. Mikasa hated to admit that she was also a pretty good liar.

Almost as good as Annie.

"Are you ready Annie?"

When the footsteps neared to an almost dangerous closeness Annie nodded, and when the blonde let her chin drop, Mikasa lifted her leg and with all of her might kicked Annie in the jaw, a horrifying cracking sound sounding through the cave, and Annie's body recoiled on the floor, the girl shakily forced herself to her knees. Mikasa cringed internally, externally she yelled in rage, sure that the doctor would hear her.

_Careful Mikasa don't kill her._

_Sorry Annie._

Annie sat on her knees, coughing the blood out of her mouth momentarily, liquid running fast from her nose. Annie looked up and nodded again, and Mikasa kicked her again with equal force on the other side of her face, this time Hanji flew through the doors as Annie landed on the floor, sputtering and heaving the scarlet liquid oozing out of her throat. Mikasa fled towards the blonde, grabbing her by the shirt collar, lifting her off her knees, the larger girl dangling limply from Mikasa's hold on her collar, a blank, expressionless face stared up at Mikasa, blood pouring from her broken nose an a handful of open gashes.

"Stay away from Eren! DO YOU HEAR ME! STAY THE FUCK AWAY!" Mikasa stared back at Annie, easily matching the blankness of Annie's icy white with her night black, her voice rose and her brows perked in anger.

"Mikasa," Hanji muttered from the door, closing it and then walking closer, crossing her arms, "Please continue."

_What?_

Mikasa kept up her act, staring back at Annie, praying she could see through Mikasa's eyes how hard this was for her.

_Shit... Sorry Annie._

Mikasa raised her fist, bringing it down hard on Annie's cheek before the girl could even catch her breath. Mikasa shoved Annie on the ground, Annie's coughs and gargles filled what now was a cramped space with the doctor watching. Mikasa lunged, bringing her boot hard into Annie's ribs, resulting in a nauseating snap. The MP's breath now a choppy, forced heaving sound.

"Stop." Hanji gestured to Mikasa and the girl stepped away.

_Thank God._

Mikasa turned to leave and the doctor stopped her.

"Wait I actually might need your help. I got what I wanted, my samples, but now it's time to try and figure out what she knows. Stay would ya? For science." Hanji stared at the blonde who was curled one the floor with a wicked grin, her face still blank and unfaltering.

Mikasa wanted to leave, It wasn't her place to interrogate Annie, she had no interest in hurting her, no matter how much she may or may not deserve it. But the outside world? Mikasa still needed them to think she hated Annie, at least for now.

"Gladly." Mikasa replied, glaring at the blonde who stared back at her.

* * *

Annie watched Hanji pound on the door and felt herself being pulled by her ankles and wrists again, she let the chains drag her upwards limply. This time, her ankles were left partially on the floor, forcing Annie to do a painful balancing act to relieve the pain on her wrists, and if she stumbled her wrists seethed with the agony that came with her cracking and blistering skin.

"How about some answers sweetheart? I'm no expert on monsters- except well I am," Hanji snickered, "and I know that all you care about is your own skin,"

Annie shot a quick glance at Mikasa. 

_That's what they think of me. That I'm a fucking monster. That I only care about myself._

Annie met the doctor's eyes, she could feel her flesh sealing itself, her nose straightening, her rib mending. Pulling herself back together was always the most painful part of being hurt. Annie face still didn't move. Pain terrified Annie, but it welcomed her. Pain was all Annie knew. The mask knew how to conceal it, and her body knew how to reverse it. Annie stumbled on her ankles and fell forward on the chains, a scream building in her throat. She wanted to let it out, and she wanted to open the waterway of tears that were building up behind her eyes, but she knew that wasn't an option.

"Why did we have to catch the one titan that doesn't show pain? Would have been helpful to be able to measure tolerance, see what actually makes them tick. Does the pain hurt you more, or the mending?" Hanji pushed her glasses up, grabbing Annie's jaw and staring at her nose as it clicked and twisted back to its original shape.

Annie kept her mouth shut, glaring as the doctor poked and prodded at her wounds.

"Well enough of my agenda." Hanji pulled a list out of her pocket, "Lets see what the commander wants to hear from you..." Hanji clicked her tongue, inches away from Annie's face.

"Alright sweetheart, question one. Who are the other titan hybrids?"

Annie stared at the dark haired woman for several minutes, refusing to give her the slightest drop of anything.

_I have no choice. I must be still, stand my ground, I can't let her see anything, nothing._

"Mikasa, care to help me out here?" Hanji looked over at Mikasa with a smile.

Mikasa nodded and stepped forward. To the outside world, Mikasa looked enraged - satisfied even. Annie knew better though, she could see the apology on her lips, the caution in her eyes.

Mikasa again raised her fists and stepped forward.

* * *

Annie heard the bridge of her nose pop, she had adapted to the iron taste that flooded her mouth, she'd mastered the best and most efficient way to breath without choking on her own blood.

_Eleven broken noses._

Mikasa raised her leg and kicked Annie's diaphragm, hard.

Annie couldn't catch her breath, the feeling of suffocation was now a sixth sense to her.

_Four blows to the diaphragm._

Mikasa raised the same leg, kicking upwards on Annie's jaw. Annie stumbled on her weak ankles to keep her wrists from touching the shackles. 

_Six dislocated jaws._

_It's like an exercise. Like I'm back at boot camp, hitting the bags or practicing in the yard._

Mikasa swung another fist, a great yell flying with it.

_Twelve black eyes._

This time, Annie tried to stand only for her legs to completely give out. Her body had broken, and her spirit was on the brink. Annie had to focus completely on the mask, every drop of energy she had left desperately kept her face still.

She'd forgotten to monitor her mouth.

Mikasa leaned back for a final kick, uppercutting Annie on the chin, the momentum knocking Annie off her feet, swinging her back on the chains - her wrists and jaw snapped in unison, and a sudden cry of pain escaped her. 

Henji's eyes perked, surprised and excited.

_Fuck! What was that?!_

Hanji scurried to Annie, eagerly studying her face and wounds. 

 "So, Leonhart... Who are the other titan hybrids?"

Annie struggled to lift her head, she wanted to stare this psychopath right in the eyes but her body was completely drained, Annie gave up and let it drop, her entire body limply hanging. What felt like an eternity of silence passed.

"Keep it up as long as you can Mikasa. I'll be back in the morning." Hanji fled the room without a sound, the door slamming and her footsteps disappearing slowly.

Once it was evident that Mikasa and Annie were alone, Mikasa ran for the door, disappearing into darkness.

A part of Annie was disappointed, the majority was relived. Mikasa needed to go home, leave Annie behind. Move on. Forget.

_Find something better than a heartless monster, trapped in a cave._

_Mikasa deserves that... something better than me._

Suddenly Annie's restraints fell a little too fast and Annie toppled into the dirt, her vision blurring from countless concussions.

_Nine?... Ten?... Who cares?_

Mikasa burst through the door and rushed back to Annie, sitting behind her and scooping the girl towards her, into her lap.

Annie leaned into Mikasa's chest, blood seeping into the girl's clothes.

"Annie-"

"Don't -" Annie sputtered through a mouth full of scarlet, "Don't apologize."

The two sat in silence for a long while, Annie's body stitching itself back together.

" I guess we're even now?" Mikasa whispered.

"Not even close." Annie mumbled into the girl's scarf, and the two laughed halfheartedly.

Annie knew that her healing wounds and spilled blood was nothing compared to Mikasa's broken heart.

 


	5. Water

"Annie-"

"Don't -" Annie sputtered through a mouth full of scarlet, "Don't apologize."

The two sat in silence for a long while, Annie's body stitching itself back together.

" I guess we're even now?" Mikasa whispered.

"Not even close." Annie mumbled into the girl's scarf, and the two laughed halfheartedly.

Annie knew that her healing wounds and spilled blood was nothing compared to Mikasa's broken heart.

* * *

**_FLASHBACK: THE CADETS  
_ **

 Annie narrowed her eyes as the 104th set out towards the forest. The day was hot and boring.

_Like I'll ever need hiking skills or basic survival skills. This is easy._

Annie scoped out the group, watching the commander turn his back to the line behind him and start on his way. Annie grazed over classmates, searching for a mop of black hair and a red scarf, she didn't have to search long - all she had to do was wait for Eren's annoyingly distinct voice to ring out of nowhere and there was Mikasa, looking as nonchalant as ever while Eren screamed about titans.

Annie didn't want to go on a hike through the forest, that was her nighttime activity. She kept looking over at Mikasa, thinking of all the places she'd rather be than training. 

_Oh I know where I'd rather be._

Mikasa's eyes suddenly flickered, meeting Annie's from afar.

_She's thinking the same thing.  I can't even think straight, It's been over a week since Mikasa's last visit to the forest._

Annie looked around, she was in the back of the line. If she just stopped... Annie stopped in her tracks, and the rest of the squad kept moving, no one gave her a second glance.

One of the perks of always being alone was that she never had anyone looking for her, she was never expected to be anywhere.

Annie turned her back to the squad and retreated into the bunkhouse, watching the last of the cadets disappear over her shoulder, except a small, familiar gaggle.

Mikasa had stopped in her tracks, about the same spot where Annie had stopped. Annie hid in the bunks, watching through the tiniest sliver of a crack in the door.

"Come on Mikasa we're gonna fall behind!" Eren tried to rush the girl, who was staring at the ground.

"You two go on ahead, I'm not feeling well I think I just need to rest awhile and then I'll catch up." Mikasa refused to move even when Eren tugged on her am.

"Whatever," Eren let go and continued forward, "No one's asking you to be here anyways - just go lay down or something." The boy and his blonde haired friend ran to catch the others, and once the group was out of sight and over the ledge of the training center Mikasa turned towards the bunkhouse. 

Annie pressed herself against the wall next to the door.

_If it isn't my lucky day._

 She heard the wood creak as Mikasa stepped onto the deck, and the door opened slowly, Mikasa let it close behind her without a second glance, she walked into the center of the bunks, seemingly unaware of Annie's position.

Annie smirked like a child before quickly wiping the grin off her face. The darkness of the bunk was lit only by a single window. Mikasa turned, looking directly at Annie.

_Not as unaware as you make yourself seem._

"Annie." Mikasa met the blonde's eyes, no emotion played on any of Mikasa's features.

But Annie could sense the question lingering on Mikasa's lips.

_Please don't ask any questions. Please don't prod. Please just take what we have and leave it at that. Don't ask me why. Don't ask me why I can't hold your hand in public, hell why I can barely even look at you when someone else is around._

Annie knew it was selfish, and she knew what Mikasa wanted.

It was something Annie couldn't give her.

 Annie stepped forward, her eyes never leaving Mikasa's, when they were face to face, Annie let her arms raise and cautiously she reached for Mikasa's shoulders - awaiting approval.

Mikasa didn't stop her, and when Annie's arms wrapped around her, Mikasa seemed to become lighter, her eyes seemed to soften, her body seemed to relax.

Annie ran her fingers through Mikasa's hair, the girl tilting her head into the other's touch, Mikasa took a deeper breath, and her hands crept up Annie's body, running up her waist, over her breasts, to her neck where they settled. 

Annie's skin itched with intrigue. She'd almost forgotten how much she loved Mikasa's touch, Annie gripped Mikasa's jacket gently. She lifted her leg to make sure that the door was closed, kicking it into the latch.

"I missed you." Annie whispered, watching Mikasa unravel herself, a certain sadness draping her features.

"I missed you too. I just, needed to think for awhile. About us," Mikasa pulled Annie closer, their bodies mere inches apart, "but I've made up my mind."

"And what did you decide?"

* * *

_That I love you.  
_

Mikasa sighed, why did she have to be so awful at communicating?

Mikasa touched Annie's cheek.

_Why is it so hard to tell her what I feel? Do I even know what I feel?_

 "I decided to stay. I'll never understand why your secrets prevent you from showing emotion, not just to me but to everyone. I'll never understand why you can't tell the world what we have. But I have decided to accept that. I've decided to accept what we have and I won't ask to change anything about it. Because when I'm with you I feel..." Mikasa searched for the word,"... safe."

Annie's eyes widened, and seemed to shatter.

_What did I say?_

_Did I say something wrong?_

Annie stood still, her face falling to the floor.

"Mikasa you don't deserve this." Annie let her hands slide away from Mikasa's nape.

_No don't go._

Mikasa snatched Annie's hands, forcing them back. Annie looked surprised, her light blue eyes appearing frightened, if not destroyed. Her face contorted, the mask slipping away with ease.

"Mikasa-"

"No." Mikasa raised her voice only the slightest, her words quivering with anger, "you don't get to do this to me. You don't get to leave because you're afraid. It's not fair Annie. You act like I deserve something better - but I don't want something better. I want you! I don't care if you act like I don't exist except when we're alone. I don't care, because I accept you and all you have to hide. I accept you Annie, I accept you for everything you are- even the parts I don't know, because-" Mikasa's voice was cut off by her own accord.

  _Because I love you.  
_

Annie stared at her, tears welling in her eyes.

"Because... Because I..." Mikasa let Annie's wrists go, reaching out to wipe Annie's tears with he thumbs, she whispered fearfully, "Because I love you."

* * *

Annie's heart stopped, her breath out of reach, her mind going numb.

_She accepts me._

She didn't feel the tears until Mikasa wiped them.

_She... loves me._

"Mikasa -" But Annie couldn't find the words.

Words were never really Annie's area of expertise anyways.

Annie let her trembling lips meet Mikasa's.

_I'll show you, I'll show you that I love you. I don't have the words, but this..._

Annie pulled Mikasa's body into her own, pressed her lips into Mikasa's with all of her power.

_I can show you this way._

The girls stumbled out of their boots, Annie pushing Mikasa into a sitting position on her bunk, she leaned in, her thighs at Mikasa's waist. Her lips pulled away, and Annie kissed the curve of Mikasa's soft jawline, her teeth scraping it's perfect angle. She nipped lightly at Mikasa's earlobe, Mikasa let out a small sigh, only encouraging Annie's en devour.

Mikasa tugged at Annie's clothes, stripping the girl's jacket, her hooded shirt following. Mikasa's nails toyed at Annie's bra, quickly, eagerly tossing it to the side. 

Annie's own patience was wearing, she needed Mikasa, she needed Mikasa to understand, she needed her to know. She pushed the girl down on the bed roughly, each article of clothing took too long to remove. Annie's mouth watered, she wanted to taste Mikasa's skin, she wanted to cover every inch of Mikasa's body with her affection, she couldn't miss a single inch.

When the two were finally freed of their clothes save Mikasa's scarf, Annie grabbed Mikasa's wrists, holding them down to the bed. She wanted to soak up each feature, she wanted to take a photo and etch it into her eyelids, she wanted to remember every detail.

Annie wanted to remember the broadness of Mikasa's shoulders, the definition of her collar, the curve of her hips. Annie wanted to remember the roundness of Mikasa's breasts, the striking pattern of her rib cage, the decorating frame of her hips. Annie wanted to remember the muscle of her shaped thighs, the perfect angle of her calves.

Annie made good on her quest, and left a trail of kisses down Mikasa's wrists, over her shoulder, down the bridge of her collar, down her sternum, past her abs and down her thighs to her knees, Mikasa's body leaning into every kiss. Annie made her way back up to Mikasa's lips, any inch she hadn't touched on the way down was given it's turn.

Mikasa's breath was already choppy and anxious, her muscles already flexing and quivering at Annie's touch. Annie kneaded the girl's breasts and kissed Mikasa's lips gently, their teeth nipping and their tongues gliding harmoniously. Annie rolled and pulled at Mikasa's lightly colored nipples, tracing her areolas until the girl was trembling and twitching under her grip.

Annie's fingers started venturing lower when suddenly Mikasa pushed Annie up right in a sudden surge of dominance. Frustrated, Annie opened her mouth to voice her yearning dominance. 

_No, I still haven't proven it - I still haven't proven that I love you._

Annie's hands itched, wanting to take control - but when she opened her mouth Mikasa clapped her hand over Annie's mouth.

"No. Hush." Mikasa yanked the scarf from around her neck and wrapped in firmly around Annie's lower face - preventing the girl from speaking. Mikasa pulled Annie's thighs, propping the blonde up in a sitting position over the dark eyed girl's lap. Mikasa's groomed fingernails scraping the girl's thighs, making every inch of Annie's skin tingle and prickle with anticipation.

A moan poured out of Annie's throat, only to be muffled by the soft fabric on her face. Mikasa tugged on the loose fabric of the scarf, pulling Annie's head into a backwards titled position to bite and suck at Annie's exposed neck, pushing the girl down into the mattress, the blonde at the mercy of Mikasa's wishes.

Annie still squirmed and tried to prop herself upwards - her dominant nature eating away at her. Mikasa pushed her back, a hand around Annie's throat, following a gentle squeeze gave Annie a lightheaded pleasure.

Annie clawed at Mikasa's shoulders, groaning into the scarf, still slightly irritated by her stolen dominance.

Mikasa's hand was suddenly at Annie's inner thigh and the blonde jumped slightly as the girl's cold fingers grazed her hot labia. Annie's lungs burned and her chest rose and fell rapidly. She let out something high pitched that was never heard past the scarf and her thighs trembled.

Mikasa looked satisfied, her dark eyes gleaming with self satisfaction and a small smirk crawling across her face, she raised a brow at Annie, waiting for the girl's expression, waiting for the smallest amount of reaction from Annie's emotionless face.

_This is why. She wants me to show her, not with words or actions, but in the way she knows I'm the weakest. She wants me to prove to her this way, that I love her, without the mask on._

Annie  stared back at the endless pits of darkness in Mikasa's eyes, the smokey greys and starry blacks, the one thing that could crack Annie open.

Mikasa's one hand gripped Annie's neck slightly rougher, another pulse of lightheaded pleasure seeping through Annie's mind, the other hand glided again over Annie's labia and toyed with her clit.

Annie felt her eyebrows bend and shape softly, her eyes widening and glowing, she felt her face expose itself once more to the only one she'd ever reveal it to. Annie murmured and groaned, moaning and gasping pointlessly as Mikasa toyed with her.

Mikasa smiled, watching the girl's face change and shift.

_She sees it. She knows._

_She sees me.  
_

Mikasa's middle and ring finger entered Annie, the blonde's eyes rolling back and closing as her heart thundered in her chest and her head spun. The girl's climax nearing.

Mikasa pulled her fingers out, cruelly stopping Annie's body before it could finish. Annie thrashed and bucked her hips in any effort to create the friction she was denied, the blonde crying out against the scarlet binding her mouth.

Mikasa pulled the fabric down from Annie's lips, the blonde opening her eyes to see the girl staring curiously, Annie's breath hot and fast, freed of the scarf she gritted her teeth.

"Mikasa... please." Annie gasped through her struggling breath, her hips still bucking, searching for any kind of touch, Annie's fingers latching into Mikasa's hair, pulling and tugging eagerly.

Mikasa stared back, still not satisfied, she ran her fingers up Annie's thighs again eliciting a high pitched sigh from Annie. Mikasa's brows raising in intrigue, as though she was learning every aspect of Annie's true self. Her face, her voice, her body. Mikasa's fingers inched close to Annie's vagina only to pull away in denial, another gasp and groan of yearning bursting from Annie's throat, only seeming to give Mikasa more satisfaction.

Then almost too suddenly Mikasa thrust her fingers back into Annie, the blonde jumping and gasping as her climax rushed through her, her bones stiffening and her muscles tensing around Mikasa.

The blonde's body faltered in exhaustion, limply settling, Mikasa still thrusting, erotic waves of an after orgasm twitching and thrashing through Annie's limbs and chest leaving the girl sighing and gasping in small shocks.

When Annie's body was drained of all energy, Mikasa stopped, observing the blonde's features. Annie's hands fell from Mikasa's neck uselessly and when Mikasa pressed her lips to her own Annie couldn't even reciprocate. She laid there, attempting to catch her breath, her limp body left to Mikasa's devices.

Mikasa's fingers traced the girl's sharper jawline, her thumb tracing Annie's lips. Mikasa laid down, her own body pressing against Annie's side, Mikasa fingers touched every inch of Annie's body, as if the dark eyed girl intended to memorize the blonde's very blueprint, inside and out.

Annie's lips trembled.

"I love you too, Mikasa."

* * *

Mikasa fell back on the bed, exasperated. this was the longest she'd ever spent with Annie. The cadets wouldn't be back until sundown. Almost twelve hours the two had spent together. Mikasa could no longer count the amount of times she'd climaxed, her entire body was sore.

_I haven't ever been this physically exhausted before._

_Is this what normal people feel like during training?_

Mikasa almost giggled at the thought, she looked over at Annie, the girl was also gasping for breath, her usually tight and neat bun had been completely messed, her skin gleamed with sweat, her eyes slammed closed as though she no longer had the energy to keep them open. 

Mikasa wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her into her chest to rest. Silence passed as the girls caught their breath.

"Why can't it be like this every day?" Mikasa whispered, toying with the blonde's bun, pulling it apart and running her hands through the knotted mess until it fell gracefully around Annie's chin.

"I don't think even we have the endurance for that." Annie mumbled into Mikasa's collar, the duo smiling and chuckling lightly.

"Annie." Mikasa waited for the girl to lift her eyes to meet her own, " What do you want? What do you want with us?"

* * *

_What I want?  
_

Annie closed her eyes and allowed herself the sweetest sin of a fantasy. She dreamed of a place where she was... ordinary.

_" What do I want? I want to be ordinary. I want a little blue house on the hill, and the white picket fence. I want the simple things. I want to come home every day and see those dark, nostalgic eyes in the doorway. The sky will always be blue, and the sun will kiss every inch of her perfect skin. And I'll walk in and every day I'll see you there, in the kitchen looking out the window at a gaggle of little dark haired, blue eyed children. And we could be happy, together, and nothing else would matter. The simple life, the good life. The... ordinary life. To live off the land, or the city, anywhere that you are I'd follow, and I'd kiss you every morning, and wrap you in my arms every night. I'd tell you I love you every chance I had, to make sure you'd never forget. The world around us would keep spinning without us, and we'd grow old, we'd never stop loving each other, or be apart. And it would just be... ordinary, and happy."_

Annie bit her lip, when she opened her eyes, she realized she'd accidentally spoken aloud.

* * *

Mikasa stared at Annie's angelic features as she painted the picture of a perfect reality in front of her, Mikasa's eyes watered.

"I want that too." Mikasa whispered, clutching Annie's nape, watching the woman look deep into her eyes. 

"I want it." Annie whispered, her eyes filling with liquid, "But... I can't have that. I can't give that to you. You deserve someone who can. You deserve the house on the hill, the white picket fence, the never ending, shameless love that can be displayed for all to see. You deserve something ordinary. And I'm not."

Tears rolled down Annie's cheeks and into Mikasa's hot skin.

"Mikasa." Annie continued through the tears, " You deserve something better than me, and still you choose to stay. It's selfish of me really, to let you stay with me. The least I can give you is my trust. I can't tell you much, but listen to me. There will come a day that the whole world will hate me, and you might too. I wouldn't blame you if you did. But when that day comes. Promise me that you'll go along, go with the flow, follow the ordinary others, and hate me. I know I'm not in a position to ask anything of you, but please,"

Annie looked up at Mikasa.

"Please Mikasa promise me that when that day comes - you won't let what is between us prevent you from doing what is right. You have to promise me that when I reveal myself, you'll choose the right side."

Mikasa's heart snapped, her mind buzzed with possibilities.

_I could never hate you. I can't do it._

But when Mikasa stared into the wintery abyss of Annie's cracked, broken blue eyes, she knew that the monster Annie was harboring inside of her was just as painful for her as it was for Mikasa.

Mikasa couldn't burden Annie with her love.

Mikasa loved Annie enough to promise to hate her when the day came.

"I will." Mikasa whispered, Annie's shoulders slouching in relief. "I can't promise to hate you. But I can promise to wear your mask the day it falls." 

 

 

 


	6. Storm

_**PRESENT** _

"Annie-"

"Don't -" Annie sputtered through a mouth full of scarlet, "Don't apologize."

The two sat in silence for a long while, Annie's body stitching itself back together.

" I guess we're even now?" Mikasa whispered.

"Not even close." Annie mumbled into the girl's scarf, and the two laughed halfheartedly.

Annie knew that her healing wounds and spilled blood was nothing compared to Mikasa's broken heart.

* * *

When Annie's wounds had healed, Mikasa pulled the girl in closer, trying to soak up what she could, while she could.

She let her hand fall down Annie's face, a blueprint of perfection she had memorized a long time ago.

A sharp, angled jaw the fell into a sharper chin, decorating a longer prominent nose. Two lips, small yet full, a perfect cupids bow. A long neck, jutting, defined collar bones. Broad, sculpted shoulders, strong and full biceps, bony elbows followed by pastel colored, opal forearms. Hands that were calloused and rough, long delicate looking fingers, short cut nails. 

Mikasa let her memories flood over her as she felt every angle of her lover.

Short, small calves that curved at a perfect angle, strong thighs, prominent hips and a small, rounded bust. A skinny back, a long nape.

What was Mikasa supposed to do now? She couldn't come back here every day, she couldn't stay with Annie, no matter how much she wanted to. She had to wait out the storm and pray that a day would come, a day when Annie could be free and they could be...

_Ordinary._

Mikasa looked at the open door, she knew these tunnels well by now. She could take the key from the room at the end of the hall, she could free Annie from her cell, and they could run until they were far away from this underground hell. They could find a house on the hill.

But Mikasa wouldn't do that, no matter how much her heart told her to. She had to uphold her promise, she couldn't let her love for Annie cloud her judgement, that was the deal.

Mikasa closed her eyes and held the blonde girl as close to her as she possibly could.

She had to wear the mask Annie had dropped.

And that meant saying goodbye.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK: HOURS BEFORE THE CADETS CHOOSE THEIR REGIMENT** _

Mikasa looked around her, the others were nowhere in sight, they'd probably headed back to the mess hall for their last meal as cadets.

In just a few hours, Mikasa would be joining the scout regiment. She had to, she couldn't let Armin and Eren go alone, she couldn't abandon her family.

Mikasa stared at the rim of the training grounds, up into the familiar path of forestry, her hands and feet carrying her up the cliff and across the clearing to her favorite spot on earth, the great oak.

There in the light of a setting sun Annie sat against the tree, small locks of blonde waving a greeting in the wind.

Mikasa walked quietly, delicately sitting next to the girl.

"Tell me you're not serious." Mikasa whispered into the dusk.

Annie's hand crawled towards her, and Mikasa allowed the girl's fingers to link with her own.

"About?" Annie whispered, a small hint of sorrow hidden in her voice.

"The MP's?" Mikasa's heart dropped, "I get it, really. Living in the interior, its... simple. I'm not trying to sway you towards the scouts or anything, I'd like to think you'll be safe in the interior. It's just..."

Mikasa could feel the tears welling at her eyelids. She could feel Annie grip her hand a bit tighter.

"I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye." Mikasa's tears finally fell and she turned towards Annie who wrapped her arms around Mikasa and pulled her in close, "Please just tell me this isn't goodbye."

Annie was silent, though her arms clung to Mikasa like it was the last time she'd ever get to hold her this way.

_This is it. This is goodbye. I'm never going to see her again. I'm never going to untie her hair, or..._

Mikasa looked down at her hand, linked with Annie's, she held it close to her chest.

_or hold her hand again. I'm never going to see those beautiful, ice white eyes again._

Annie looked up, as though she was thinking the same, and met Mikasa's gaze. Mikasa tried to remember every shade of blue, every dash of white.

_This is it. The last time I'll see her tear off her mask. The last time she'll ever hold me._

Shakily, Mikasa touched the blonde's cheek, she pressed her lips against Annie's and tried to hold on as long as possible.

Slightly chapped but soft, tasting of mint.

_The last time I'll ever kiss her._

Annie broke the kiss, setting her forehead against Mikasa's. Her face as blank as ever.

"No. This isn't goodbye." Annie whispered, a certain fear or haunting draping her face, "I will see you again. Just not like... not... not like this."

Mikasa stared, shocked and worried.

_She's terrified._

"Do you remember that promise you made me in the bunkhouse that day?" Annie whispered again, her voice shaking.

"Of course." Mikasa whispered, dread flowing over her face.

_You said I had to let go. You said I had to hate you. But I'm not ready, I'm not ready for this. I want you. I want Annie back, not whatever monster she harbors._

 "Good." Annie's voice trembled with a certain horror.

_What is she so afraid of?_

"Annie you're scaring me." Mikasa's eyes widened, she pulled away from Annie, cupping the girl's face in her palms, forcing Annie's empty features to meet her own.

"That day. You told me that you felt safe with me." Annie's face didn't falter, her mask had been re-built, stronger this time, a barricade so well fortified even Mikasa couldn't see the light on the other side. "But you shouldn't. You should be afraid of me. You should hate me. I don't deserve to be your harbor in the storm."

Annie paused, her entire body pulling away from Mikasa.

"Because I am the storm."

* * *

Annie pulled away from Mikasa, afraid of her own hands. Annie was unworthy, dangerous. She couldn't hold Mikasa anymore, she couldn't allow herself to get any closer. She couldn't hurt Mikasa anymore.

"ANNIE STOP!" Mikasa yelled, "STOP IT. COME BACK TO ME. JUST-"

"Mikasa," Annie stopped her lover, "Mikasa you promised."

They sat there, staring at each other a little too long.

_I can't allow myself to get any closer. I can no longer let her see._

Annie looked up, the sun had set and the night had returned.

_It's time. It's time to return to my loneliness._

Annie looked back at Mikasa, saw the night reflect in her dark eyes, and had to resist the emotion pulling at her face.

_It's time to let her go._

Annie's heart strings snapped, her chest grew hollow, her body numb to the elements around it.

"Just..." Mikasa whispered, "Just one more time. Please Annie, don't leave me like this. Just one more time, let me see you. The real you, refresh my memory one last time."

Annie owed Mikasa at least that.

Annie allowed Mikasa to pull her in, she allowed Mikasa to wrap her arms around Annie's neck, and she allowed herself the sin of reciprocating. Annie draped her arms around Mikasa's waist, and tried to remember the photo she'd etched into her eyelids, the picture of Mikasa.

Mikasa took Annie's jaw in her hands, searching, begging for one last memory.

Annie closed her eyes and imagined one last time.

_The house on the hill._

_I'd tell you I love you every chance I had, so that you'd never forget._

_I'd kiss you every morning, wrap my arms around you every night._

_I'd put us on display, for the whole world to see, and I'd be proud._

_We'd never stop loving each other, and we would be happy._

_Ordinary._

_The world would keep spinning without us, and we could be together, in place far away from all of this pain._

Annie opened her eyes, and let Mikasa peek through her mask one last time.

"I will always love you Mikasa." Annie ran her fingers across Mikasa' brow, down her chin, ran her fingers over the girl's pale lips one last time, "Don't forget that."

Mikasa nodded, liquid salt raining from the galaxy of her eyes.

* * *

  ** _  
_**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys let me know what you think, your opinion means a lot and is usually encouraging in my writing process. Sorry for the recent lack of updating, I hope the long chapter makes up for it! What do you guys think of chapter five? Any theories? Also I've been debating starting a new AU Annie/Mikasa fanfiction, what do you guys think?


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